I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
