How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
