I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
