where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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