I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
