he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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