capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
