just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
