I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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