Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Randomize
