so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
