I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
