your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
