if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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