And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
