i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
