jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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