I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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