I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Randomize
