are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
