No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
