Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
