You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
