sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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