I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I think I just sharted jello shots
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
