The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
