she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
