He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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