made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
