I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I was not drunk enough for that final.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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