Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
