Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
