i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
There's always time for handjobs
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I deserve this hangover.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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