if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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