I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
