I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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