So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
