you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
