I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
it's like heaven, but drunker
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
