I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
