I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
