At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
