He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
