her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
