i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
