so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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