Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
