Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
