honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
