Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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